


Clear View

by suallenparker



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Glasses, Philinda - Freeform, distraction, rag tag, with a dash of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1662077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melinda asks about Phil’s weird behavior and his answer is likely to get him in trouble. - Or the one in which he wants to kiss her badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clear View

He wanted to kiss her and that was a problem. A problem he had dealt with before and a problem he had thought he had handled, but no. Her Simmons-guise was brilliant. Phil grinned as Melinda stepped out of her room. Her hair was in a low pony-tail and she was dressed in clothes that could’ve come right out of Simmons closet. And she wore glasses. She gave him a stern look. And he wanted to kiss her. she looked so approachable in her outfit. And the glasses … He wanted to wrap his hand around her pony tail and press his lips against hers.

He wanted to kiss her as they drove to the meeting. The glasses kept slipping and she had to push them back up. He wanted to take the glasses off of her beautiful face and kiss her eyelids. The bridge of her nose. Her fantastic, sexy mouth. There was something about her wearing these glasses that made him stare at her mouth. Eventually Simmons shortened the temples of the glasses. Melinda pressed her lips together and he wondered if he could kiss them soft again. Probably not.

He wanted to kiss her when they were talking to the Centerped people. Melinda smiled and delivered whatever scientific gibberish Simmons gave her and he wanted to take her face in both hands and kiss her. He wanted to feel her smile against his mouth. He wanted to be the reason for it.

He wanted to kiss her while she did these backflips and kicked ass. He wanted to kiss her when she told him not to set the drapes on fire. He wanted to kiss her period.

And that wasn’t even the real problem.

If he’d just feel physical attraction towards her, he could handle it. They both could probably handle “just sex”.

But he loved her, he saw that clearly now. He loved her. It was obvious, wasn’t it? It explained all of his symptoms. It explained why he always sought her company. It explained why he had wanted to punch Ward even before he had known he was Hydra. And it explained why she could get him this riled up by just following orders. Then again, he hadn’t been that mad at her for keeping the truth from him. He had been furious because she had said he meant a lot to her.

Before that he had thought he was over her, happy being friends with her, happily in love with another woman.

Silly.

He had underestimated how good he had become at living in denial.

She was his best friend and that should be enough, but he wanted more.

Right now she sat across of him at the floor, going trough some documents. It was late. They sat in his room, surrounded by a quarter of the files they had extracted today. She sat on the ground and he sat on his bed. Her glasses were gone, so was her Simmons-guise and he wanted to kiss her. Well, too bad.

He had never even imagined she might feel something similar. She always had treated him like an obnoxious little brother, constantly saving his ass while scolding him with her looks at the same time.

She was his very best friend. And if a friend was all he could ever be to her, he’d take that.

Phil pressed his lips together and forced himself to look back at the papers in his hands. He read the third sentence on page two for the fifth time now, but a moment ago Melinda had licked her lips and he wanted to kiss her. He was being stupid. Ridiculous.

At least she hadn’t caught him staring at her yet. Otherwise he’d be in real trouble.

“Are we good?” she asked.

When he looked up, he found her already looking at him.

“Of course,” he said and raised his brows. “Why would you ask?”

“You’ve been staring at me today and you’ve been quiet.” She closed the folder she held with one hand and put it aside. He wanted to kiss her fingertips. He just wanted to kiss her. He pressed his lips together.

“And you’ve been doing that a lot today.” Melinda nodded at him. “Pressing your lips together.”

Damn it.

“It’s nothing.” He smiled.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Unlike you.”

She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. “That’s not fair.”

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why did he say that? He pressed his lips together. Again. And closed his eyes for a second. “You’re right,” he said. “Forgive me.” He looked at her. He knew exactly why he had said it. Because once again Melinda May had backed him into a corner and he was terrified. Pushing her away was so much easier than dealing with the real issue. That he loved her and she didn’t love him back. “It’s not you, it’s me,” he added.

Melinda swallowed and gave a short nod. “I understand.”

“No, it’s not …” He sighed. She understood nothing! For a man who was usually fairly eloquent, he felt quite speechless. She looked so hurt. He wanted to get up and sit down next to her and tell her that he wasn’t mad. Just a fool in love. Damn it. That would change everything. He didn’t want to lose his best friend because he coincidentally loved her too. He put his file away and folded his hands in his lap.

“I’m not mad at you” he said.

“But things between us are different now.”

“Yes. No. I’m trying …” He was failing. she looked so sad. Of course she did! He had made her think he’d still hold some resentment towards her. He rubbed his forehead. This was exhausting. “I’m tired. Having this conversation now probably isn’t wise.”

“I understand.” She stood and picked up a bunch of files. When she walked past him, he touched her arm.

“Wait.” He couldn’t let her leave thinking he was mad at her. The only one he was mad at now was himself.

She looked at him, her expression cold. He admired her control. Right now his was slipping through his fingers. He squeezed her arm.

“It’s just that you’re back now,” he said, “and today you wore these glasses and you smiled and I wanted to kiss you, which isn’t really the problem. And it’s not even about the glasses. It’s you. And I -” He took a breath. “can’t.” He wanted to tell her he loved her so much. Even more than he wanted to kiss her.

“What?”

He let go of her and dropped his hand in his lap. “It’s unfair to you, I apologize.” He looked down. “I’m working on it.”

“What are you talking about?”

He looked at her again. “You mean a lot to me. A lot,” he repeated her words.Good words. Much less scary than I love you and so very true. She had said them before so it was less likely she’d be scared off by them. He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t want to do this without you. I’m pretty sure I can’t.”

Melinda put down the files and sat down at the corner of his bed. “Why?”

He loved her. He swallowed the words down again. “You’re my family. My home. You ground me.”

“And you want to kiss me?” she asked quietly.

He had told her that, hadn’t he? Damn. “That’s not really the problem.”

She frowned, suddenly worried. “Have you noticed any other changes?” She thought …?

He shook his head. “I’m not going insane.”

“You’ve never …” she stuttered, “before, you’ve never …”

“I always want to kiss you. This isn’t new.” He shrugged again. “Usually I’m just better at living in denial. I’m not going insane, I’m not mad at you. I love …” He took a breath. “It doesn’t matter. You won’t notice again. I promise.” He looked away and waited for her to say something, do something. He waited for her to leave. He shouldn’t have held her back the first time. He shouldn’t have stared at her.

“I love you.” Her voice was soft.

He looked at her again. Her face was soft too. He wanted to kiss her, but there were more urgent matters. “Could you say that again, please?” he asked.

She cradled his cheek in her palm. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He smiled. “I want to kiss you so much.”

“Less talking, Phil.”

So he kissed her. Finally. He felt her smile against his mouth. It was utterly perfect.


End file.
